God can be seen in the church through the family
relationships. We all know that God is not all about answering prayers with a
“yes” and raining down blessings on demand. God’s desire for us is to help us
grow in character and in relationships. Our characters and our relationships are
the only things that will go with us to Heaven, and those are parts of our lives
that need constant development. However, growing is not always easy. It can be painful
and frustrating. But God does not expect us to grow alone—that’s what he gave us
families for! A church family is much like a biological family. The relationships
can be just as complicated. But it is through these relationships that God
helps us to develop as Christians and He shows Himself the most clearly.
Conflict is often thought of as a negative
experience. In fact, most people avoid conflict if at all possible, however it
is something that cannot be avoided when dealing with people, especially a
group of mismatched people who do not come together based on personality, but
on a collective acceptance of a group of doctrines. Christians are no exception
to this. One of the things that people feel most strongly and personally about
is religion. And while church members might agree on doctrine, they don’t
necessarily agree on interpretations and individual “takes” on Scripture. But
conflict does not necessarily have to be a negative thing. (Family
Relationships Online)
Conflict, when dealt with in a positive way,
builds stronger relationships. Firstly, each person is able to speak their mind
and be heard. They don’t have to bottle up their feelings. Secondly, if they
are listening to each other, they are able to see a different perspective from
their own. Thirdly, a compromise can be reached where both parties feel they
are gaining something. And fourthly, a new level of trust is developed when
each person realizes that they can disagree and still be respected and loved.
This kind of communications does not require
both parties to agree. In fact, it reminds me of David in his Psalms. David
ranted. He raged. He begged God to demolish his enemies, and in one
particularly fierce verse, says how “blessed” the person is to dash their
babies against the rocks. (Psalm 137:9) David felt perfectly safe expressing
his feelings to the Almighty God. He didn’t feel the necessity of saying the
“proper” thing. He didn’t squelch his true emotions. He said it like he felt it
and God loved him for his honesty. David’s blood lust for his enemies was not
God’s. His anger and lack of mercy were not God’s. But regardless of David’s
unresolved feelings, God called him a man after His own heart. Why? Because David
turned to God with utter trust that God would understand him, provide him
answers and guide him, regardless of his imperfect state. David knew that he
could approach his God with complete honesty and still be respected and loved.
It is through conflict successfully dealt with
that a Christian is able to grow and develop.
The Bible refers to this experience: “Iron sharpens iron. So one man
sharpens another.” (Prov. 27:17) This steel on steel approach is not easy. Both
members are solid and sparks will sometimes fly. But the end of the conflict
leaves both members sharper than they were before. It is a principle adopted by
Alcoholics Anonymous. (Alcoholics Anonymous Resources) This is a time when
members come together and are completely honest with each other about their
experience in overcoming the addiction to alcohol with openness and love. Each
member is honor bound to be honest with the other members of the group for
their own benefit and growth. It is an emotional experience, but it is a part
of the healing process as alcoholics attempt to put their relationships and
lives back together again. It is the
honesty that brings healing, both with oneself regarding one’s own actions and with
others regarding their actions. It is a system of accountability.
However, not all relationships are filled with
conflict in a church family. Some are nurturing the way a father or older
brother would be nurturing, demonstrating for us the kind of relationship that
our heavenly Father desires with us. Some are gentle and caring the way a
mother is with her children, and we can see the kind of love Jesus spoke of
when he said he wished he could draw His children together like a hen gathers
her chicks under her wings. (Luke 13:34) Some provide comradery like that of
siblings. Some relationships provide the kind of fulfillment when a youngster
looks up to you as an example. All these different relationships demonstrate a
different aspect of God’s many-faceted character.
God created human beings to be social creatures.
When He created Adam, Adam was not complete until God gave him Eve. Even Jesus
gathered disciples to Himself, and when He was laboring in the garden, begging
God to let this cup pass from Him, His only request of His disciples was that
they “stay here and keep watch with Me.” (Matt 26:38) He wanted their company,
their moral support, their prayers. These are the same things that we crave, as
human beings, and God created us to need each other.
Relationships don’t always mimic the type of
relationship God wants with us. Sometimes they force us to grow in our
characters, and sometimes they help us to see things from a different
perspective. We strengthen each other. We comfort each other. We annoy each other
and we make amends with each other. As we join together, opening our hearts to our
God, we realize that we don’t have to all be the same, hold the same opinions
or have attracting personality types. We are united under God.
God’s priorities and expectations are summed up
in His Law: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your mind and all your strength. The second is this: Love your
neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 13:30, 31) The church allows us to combine our
love for God with our love for our neighbor. There is no spiritual experience more
complete.
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