What is hospitality?

We all need to socialize with others. For some, the extroverts, those in families or those in a good work environment, meeting social needs comes easier. Others may experience much loneliness and some feel alone even in a crowd. Perhaps a painful situation causes them to avoid people just at the time when they need others the most. Some who struggle the most with loneliness are the shy, the elderly, the single, the ones who have lost spouses, the sick and the disabled. It is up to us, those who have chosen to follow Jesus and to try to live like Him to pay attention to these on His behalf; to offer help kindly and in a way we’d like to receive it.

The specific kind of needs the person has may vary widely. We probably think most of emotional or social needs in the context of hospitality. These are indeed very important, and may actually be greater in a person who seems to draw back from too much contact. We must be careful to follow their lead, though. It’s a tricky and delicate balance, trying not to let a person in need put us off, but trying not to be pushy, either.

Sometimes needs are more obvious. Physical needs, for instance, include a meal, clothing, gas in the car, a ride, help with the kids or a clean house when sick. Physical needs vary with the situation. And these can be the hardest needs of all to offer in a way that will help and not hurt. Our society values independence above almost everything else. No matter how you phrase it, an offer of help can sound to some people like an insult to their ability to take care of themselves. Be sure to put yourself in their shoes. Or better yet, the person who offers help with physical needs could be a person who has or used to have those same needs, and knows just how it feels without having to try to “walk a mile in their moccasins.” If the would-be helper has needs, too, and they can share and help each other, human dignity will be protected and the outcome may be healthier.

What about spiritual needs? People need forgiveness, love, hope and acceptance as an equal human being. One must listen to people’s stories to know what their greatest spiritual needs are.

As we listen to others’ stories our frame of reference shifts from our own perspective to another’s perspective and finally to the relationship between us. When a person sees the degree to which his or her own view has become the only view—and that he or she has imposed that view on all of life—he or she comes to repentance. A person is at home with his or her own view. In interacting with another that frame of reference is shaken up. A person cannot be “at home” with his or her own view in exactly the same way. Instead, people reframe to include the views of another which leads to relationship. Moreover, making one’s own view the most important, imposing it on all of life, can be recognized as the sin of idolatry—taking a part and making it the whole. (Oden, p. 15)

This shifting in frame of reference happens most when we invite people we don’t know— someone new—into our lives. The Bible, in Luke 14:12-14, suggests inviting those of several vulnerable populations. This doesn’t mean that we need to neglect our own family and friends. When creating a gathering, think about inviting someone new or maybe someone from a more vulnerable group. Avoid huddling with your favorite friends to the exclusion of those newcomers who may be standing near.

As a host makes resources available to a guest, the host participates in God’s grace which gifts both host and guest. The host identifies with the guest and the guest’s situation. In so identifying the host becomes a recipient of God’s grace along with the guest. (Oden, p. 26.)

When should we invite others? Any time. Hospitality establishes relationships. People with needs may not state those needs to others whom they do not know. People more likely go to their friends because friends will accept them as they are. Hospitality any time puts relationship credit in the bank. Hospitality in meeting emotional and physical needs can lead to situations in which the deeper spiritual needs get met.

When people think of hospitality, often they think of a perfectly served meal. I’d like to invite you to think more broadly. Think of hospitality as opening yourself to others through sharing whatever activities you enjoy doing. Do you like watching sports on TV? Include someone else. Do you like hiking? Sewing? Fixing cars? Baking? Could you include someone else in any of these activities? Or could you join someone else in activities and groups that are already in place? 

Hospitality in the Bible

The ancient Jewish culture within which the Bible was written valued offering food and lodging to travelers. There were no hotels and restaurants such as we have everywhere today. If you were traveling, you had three choices. You could simply set up camp wherever you were in the evening and eat and sleep in the open. The safety of this varied rather drastically from region to region. You could ask for shelter from any house you passed, and they were very unlikely to turn you away. Again, you might or might not be safe. That’s why people traveled in caravans or large groups. Your third, and by far best, choice was to have family or friends on your way wherever you were going.

If someone saw a person or family or group traveling, they were to offer them food and shelter. In Genesis 18:4, Abraham offered food to travelers passing by. In Genesis 19:8, Lot offered two angels lodging. In Judges 19:20 an old prophet offered lodging to two travelers.

The book of Hebrews reminds us that when Abraham entertained those passing strangers, he actually entertained angels. “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2, NASB)

In spite of the value placed on hospitality, over the centuries many interpretations were placed on the laws of Moses to protect believers from breaking the smallest part of the law. These regulations served to separate believers from any outsider. An upstanding Jew in the time of Christ would not have considered eating with others whom they perceived as not on their spiritual level for fear of contaminating their holiness.

When Jesus came along He made a practice of eating with “publicans and sinners.” (See Matthew 9:9-13.) Choosing to move against those aspects of His culture which were in opposition to God’s wishes for His people, Jesus opened Himself to others who were different, to those who needed what He had to offer whether that was physical healing, food, friendship or new ways of thinking.

He made it clear that He expects the same kind of compassionate hospitality from His followers. “And the king will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’” (Matthew 25:40, NASB)

We usually think of following Jesus’ example as doing what He would do—acting as He would act. And that’s true. But in this story what He actually says is that when we meet people’s needs, it is as if we have offered our service to Jesus Himself. We talk to God through prayer. We praise God through song. We learn about God through reading the Bible. But to give to God, we must give to our fellow human beings.

Romans 12 lists attitudes toward others that are part of hospitality and support hospitality. “Contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and curse not. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.” (Romans 12:13-16, NASB) You won’t see a single word in this passage about parties or cleaning house or getting a DJ. Yet this is what biblical hospitality is all about.

The Peace of Simplicity

The Old Order Mennonites who live in Ontario, Canada, live very simply, making their own clothing, growing their own food, farming, bringing their goods to market and supporting each other in every way a community can. If you see them on the street, you look twice. A woman in a long dress and bonnet getting out of a horse drawn carriage certainly does draw some attention these days! Driving down the road, you see horse drawn buggies trotting along the side of the road, and signs beside driveways advertising produce for sale.

These Mennonites do have some seemingly conflicting ideas, however. They live without electricity, except in the barn. They don’t use cars or buses, but will use them if an emergency arises. They don’t use telephones in the house, but do have one in the barn. It seems hypocritical! Why have electricity in the barn but refuse it in the house? Why put a phone in the barn at all? If they are living a simple life, why make these concessions at all?

These mixtures of convenience and simplicity are not so hypocritical if you understand their reasons. Old Order Mennonites do not shun modern convenience because they believe that they are evil. Instead, they are guarding their community, way of life and relationships. Their simple lifestyle is not meant to avoid modern life, but to protect traditional values. For example, in order to run a farm today, some very up-to-date machinery is needed. A farmer cannot sell milk that does not meet public health standards, so they use electricity in the barn to run milking machines that comply with health codes. However, they do not use electricity in the house because they don’t want to be trapped by TV and other modern amenities. They pull together, work together, play together, and pray together. Hard work is needed for something as simple as a meal to be made, but the act of working together to produce it is of extreme value to them. A telephone in the barn is for emergencies. If there were a terrible accident, dire need for a doctor or some other emergency, a phone is within a short jog from the house. However, a family meal or family worship will never be interrupted by a ringing telephone. No one will waste time chatting on the phone instead of working and helping the people right next to them in the same room. Their family values are protected.

Is this the kind of simplicity that the Adventist Church has in mind for its members? Are you expected to conform to something like the Old Order Mennonite lifestyle? Not at all! We can learn a lot from the Mennonites, though, in their priorities. God and family always come first. Praying and worship are a central part of the home. Family members all contribute to the running of the home, everyone making a difference and everyone needed. Family time together is guarded and precious. Community relationships are nurtured and encouraged. The sick, elderly and disabled are cared for by the community. Moreover, they take active steps to protect the values that matter most to them.

What values matter to you? And what can you do to protect them?

The story is told of a native fisherman on an island. He had always fished and was very good at it. He fished all morning, and by mid afternoon had caught enough fish to sell at the market and to feed his family. One day, a well-meaning businessman on vacation approached him.

“How long do you work each day?” he asked the fisherman.

“Till mid-afternoon,” he replied.

“How many boats do you have?” the businessman asked.

“Just the one,” he replied.

“Look,” said the businessman. “I am in business in New York. I know how to make money. Let me give you some advice. You are a very good fisherman, so good, in fact that you don’t have to work all day in order to catch enough fish. But if you just put a few more hours of fishing in every day, you’ll catch more fish! Fish from morning till evening, then clean the fish till night. You’ll make more money. When you have more money, buy another boat and hire some experienced fishermen to work under you. Keep growing your business, and in twenty years, you will have a fishing empire!”

“What will this get me?” the fisherman asked.

“You’ll make lots of money!” the businessman replied. “You can buy a big house, retire, relax, take long walks with your wife and spend time with your grandkids. It’s a dream come true!”

“I don’t need to,” the fisherman replied with a shrug. “I work till mid-afternoon every day. I already get to walk with my wife every evening. My children are still young, and I can spend time with them now. I don’t need a bigger house. I like the one I’ve got.”

Sometimes the complications in life are simply a way of putting off what we could be enjoying right now. Ask yourself this: What are you working for? What are the long hours supposed to get you? What is the expensive vacation supposed to do for you? What are the toys supposed to accomplish? You might find that what you are looking for is time with your family, a chance to relax and a sense of peace. What is holding you back from enjoying those things right now? Simplify. “Give us this day our daily bread.” Spend time with the kids today. Reconnect with your spouse today. Take time with God today. Today is the most important time we have.

Our Daily Bread

So when things get too tough, you start to see the advantage of the simple life. You look longingly at the guy who has time to take his kids to the park. You see the couple taking a walk together, and you remember when you used to make time for those things, too. In everyone’s life there was a time when things were simple. When you didn’t have much money, but didn’t have many bills either; when you looked forward to your weekend because you actually relaxed on it; when you took pride in eating on your measly budget and relished those macaroni and cheese dinners more than you enjoy an expensive restaurant now. So is the answer to be young and broke again?

When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, He said: “Give us each day our daily bread.” (Luke 11:3) There is much wisdom in that prayer. You aren’t praying, “Give me more bread than yesterday,” or “For tomorrow, I’d prefer something different.” The prayer is for just enough for the day you are in. It doesn’t mean that you don’t plan for the future. Of course, we all must plan for the future! However, Jesus knew that the most important time we have is now. A simple lifestyle is one that looks at today, appreciates the present, and trusts God for the future. A simple lifestyle isn’t longing for more, it is thankful for what it has! Paul put it this way: “...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” (Phil. 4:11) Life can throw good and bad at us. We aren’t truly happy if circumstances can change our outlook. If I’m only happy when I have the latest gadget or live in the biggest house, I will never be happy. There is always a Jones out there who has more. Besides, life is a rollercoaster ride, taking us up and dropping us down. Tough times come, whether we plan for them or not. However, if we can learn to be content, that rollercoaster doesn’t have to shake us too much. Paul added: “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Phil. 4:12) Money comes and money goes. The wisest person doesn’t pray for wealth, but for contentment.

Money does not equal happiness. Of course, our society would have us believe that happiness can be purchased. It tells us that happy people have the nicest cars, homes and clothes. They vacation in tropical paradises and hobnob with the social elite. But the Bible says something different: “The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether he eats little or much, but the abundance of a rich man permits him no sleep.” (Eccl. 5:12) It is not money that allows you to rest easy, it is a good work ethic, a solid character…faith in God!

When we pray for our daily bread and leave the rest to God, we find that we are less selfish. We only ask for what we need: the bread for the day. We don’t ask for things simply because we want them for entertainment. We don’t ask for things in order to make ourselves look better than everyone else. When we are content with what we have, that overpowering passion to possess more and more is curbed, and we are left with peace. We suddenly see the difference between needs and wants.

When the Pressure Gets to Be Too Much

It happens to all of us. The pressure builds up, and then we are left standing there, wondering why we don’t feel happy the way we were supposed to feel. We have the things we wanted so badly. We look good to other people. We seem to be a success! But there is still that pressure, like a rubber band around our necks, and we don’t know how to feel good again. Our families are splintering. Our relationships are falling apart. Our credit cards are maxed out. We are stressed out, frustrated, overworked and still needing more! Our weekends are spent at the office, or worrying about the office. Our evenings are rushed, and when we have the time to stop and actually think, we find whole new worries about the state of our children and our marriages. As the pressure mounts, we wonder, what on earth are we supposed to do? We wanted it all, we tried for it all, and now it all seems to be falling apart!

What do you do when the pressure gets to be too much? You turn to God. There is no other option. No one else can solve it for you. Jesus said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28) God is the only One who can give that kind of rest. The world around us just adds on the stress, adds on the pressure, demands more and more from you. But God can relieve that stress, if we’ll just give it to Him. He says: “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matt. 11:29) It is a learning process. The rest that God gives is not a wave of a magic wand. While God does relieve our fears, He also teaches us how to live the kind of life He created us for. He teaches us how to live simply. He teaches us how to take advantage of the

rest He offers.

God’s plan for us is not to be weighed down by stresses and debt. Too many people think that God is too demanding of us, that turning to God means turning to more rules and frustration. If I thought I had problems now, the last thing I need is church! But Jesus says the exact opposite: “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:30) What makes a life with Jesus so much easier? The simplicity. A life with Jesus doesn’t focus on the material things, or the status symbols. It doesn’t wave credit cards under your nose and then sick collections agencies on you. It doesn’t trap you in a cycle of more and more work and less and less pleasure. It doesn’t keep you blinded to the needs of your family until it’s too late. A life with Jesus focuses on the things that matter most: your family and your God.

But doesn’t money matter? I mean, just being a Christian doesn’t take away your bills! That’s true. And God cares about your money. He knows what you need. But He doesn’t see your value through your checking account or the brands you wear. He doesn’t expect you to keep up with anyone else. He doesn’t look down on you for admitting that this didn’t work out the way you had planned. Of course, you need money to survive in this world. But that is the least of God’s worries with you. God knows that it isn’t how much you make so much as how much He blesses it! If you are seeking His kingdom, God has promised that He’ll help you take care of that part, too.

What the Bible Says about Christians and Materialism

Why are we talking about money? Are we angling at you to give your money to the church? Tithing is important, and the Bible tells us that God will bless us for tithing, but that is not the focus of this unit. We are focusing on lifestyle. Does God care how we deal with our money? Does money have anything to do with things spiritual?

The Bible addresses money and our use of it. Money in itself is not evil, but how we use it can be put to good and bad purposes. We are told that, “In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has.” (Proverbs 21:20) We are supposed to save for a rainy day. Rainy days come, and we should expect them. As Christians, we should think ahead and be prepared to care for our families, not just spend every penny and hope for the best. That means we won’t always have the best of everything. We won’t be able to be immediately gratified when we want something if that means that we will be left with nothing at the end of the day. Seventy percent of all consumers are using up every penny from their paycheck each month and have nothing left over. (Ramsey) Jesus warned us: “For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it.” (Luke 14:28) Planning ahead just makes sense!

Debt is also mentioned in the Bible. “The rich rule over the poor, And the borrower is servant to the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7) The banks certainly do rule over us, but we don’t have to be “servant to the lender.” The fact of the matter is, when you owe money, you will never be able to forget about it. Neither will the lender! You no longer have a choice, you have to pay it back, and if you are in financial straits, then you are at their mercy. God said, “I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with your head held high.” (Lev. 26:13) God will help us to get out of debt, but it is our responsibility to not return to our slavery.

Money is a fact of life. We cannot live without it, but if we lack wisdom in the use of it, our lives will get incredibly complicated and stressful. Jesus told us: “You cannot serve both God and money”. (Matt. 6:24) Serving money is all too easy to do. We serve money when we are in debt and are forced into a “servant” position to the lender. We serve money when we make our priorities appearances and define our self-worth through the things we buy. We discover that we are a servant of money when we haven’t planned ahead for those inevitable rainy days. It is when we discover that we are the servant of the Almighty Dollar that we long for a simpler life.

God knows that we worry. We live in a sinful world and it is only natural that life would make us a little apprehensive. But God encourages us to simplify. Jesus told us: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matt. 6:25) God gave us life and a magnificent body, not brand names and gadgets. When we get our priorities straight, life becomes much simpler.

Our existence is not about accumulating wealth. Jesus told a parable about a man who accumulated wealth his whole life, and then decided to sit back and enjoy it all himself. “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’” (Luke 12:20) While it is important to think ahead, hording wealth is not God’s will for us. Not only should we take care of our own affairs, but we should be willing to help care for others as well. Solomon advised: “Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.” (Eccl. 11:2) We were not created to live alone. We were meant to live together in community, and that means helping others when they need it. You never know what God has in store for you, and it may be that one day you will need the return favor. The true wealth to acquire is that of friends and people to love.

But how do we stop from worrying? Jesus pointed it out for us: “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? … So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” (Matt. 6:26, 31-32) It all comes down to faith. If we believe in a loving God, then we must believe that He will take care of us! Jesus promised that He would. Putting aside our worries and giving them to God isn’t easy, but it does simplify our lives a great deal.

David knew what trust in God was all about. The life of a shepherd isn’t an easy one. It’s a life of hard weather, long days and nights, constant attention to the sheep and guarding against predators. It certainly isn’t the romantic vision we have of “the pastoral.” However, in the midst of the reality of being a shepherd, David wrote Psalm 23. “The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” David was able to find peace in God’s care. He knew that God would provide for him and he knew that there was more to life than the rat race. Jesus said, “But seek His kingdom and these things will be given to you as well.” (Matt. 6:31) God knows what we need before we do. While we need to be responsible for our actions, God is responsible for our lives. It’s all in our perspective.

Immediate Gratification: Priceless

There used to be some rather clever credit card commercials. They would show a happy family doing some sort of activity together. For example, a mother and her grown daughter might be having an afternoon together. They go over the price of the various things they did. Lattes: $14. Perfect purse found in a flea market: $45. Lunch out: $60. New outfit for the mother: $390. Making Mom feel young again: Priceless.

It was a very clever marketing campaign because it linked money spent with emotional fulfillment. In essence, it was saying: does it really matter how much you spend on the details when the end result brings so much emotional fulfillment?  Besides, who needs the money right now when you’ve got credit and can worry about it later? Credit seems to be the answer to all the stress. You can keep up with appearances without having the ready cash. You can just charge it, and forget it! Well, you can forget it until the bill comes in, but even then, the minimum payment is quite reasonable.

However, credit is severely out of hand. One in seven Americans has ten or more credit cards. That is ten minimum payments to make every month! Another one in seven Americans has seven or more credit cards. The average American carries four credit cards. (Lewis) Half of all Americans have credit card debt, and one third of those with debt only pay their minimum payments and do nothing further to pay off their loan. (Ossowski) Over all, Americans have over $800 billion in credit card debt. This has turned into a big problem.

The reason for America’s credit card debt is that we don’t want to wait. We want immediate gratification. We see it, we want it, and we buy it. We think of credit as money in our pockets, when in reality, it is the bank’s money that we are merrily spending … money that the bank will eventually want back with exorbitant interest. The credit card companies seem so friendly. They offer you credit card after credit card, even raising your limit on your existing cards after you’ve “proven” you can make some payments! You want a vacation, there’s a card for it. You want new clothes? There’s another card for it. You want a new computer, iPod, cell phone or PDA? There’s a card for it! They are stumbling over themselves to give us credit cards, and it feels like free money! Wow, thanks guys, I guess I can afford it, after all! But they don’t stay friendly. If you start missing payments, they send collection agencies after you who call day and night, nagging, intimidating and pestering. What do they want? The money back! But once it’s spent, what do you do?

Some people use one credit card to pay the minimum payment for another card. They have a circle of cards paying the minimum balance for each other, but when you are only paying the minimum balance, it will take years and years to pay off that debt. It can be a staggering load. The pressure mounts.

The story is told about a meeting held by the devil for his evil angels. “We can’t stop Christians from going to church,” he told them. “We can’t stop them from praying or even reading their Bibles. So don’t even try that! Here is the new plan: We’re going to make them busy. That’s right, busy! We’ll show them shiny things they want to buy and we’ll give them credit cards to do it with. We’ll poke them and prod them into being jealous of their neighbors and friends so that they feel the need to compete on every level. We’ll flash commercials in front of them and tell them that they need all the things they see. They’ll keep buying and spending, buying and spending, and eventually they will have to work overtime or take a second job. They won’t spend time with their families, and they will try to use gifts and money to take their place when they aren’t at home. Their families will fall apart. They will be stressed out from all the work with  no breaks. They will be so busy trying to keep up with everyone around them, that they won’t have time for the things that bring true happiness! And then we have won!”

The devil has a plan, and so far it has worked smashingly well. Life has gotten so complicated that we don’t have time for our families anymore. We don’t have time for relaxing, thinking, praying and meditating. We don’t have time to build relationships or notice when an established relationship is falling apart. We don’t notice the warning signs in our marriages and we are too occupied to see other people around us who could use a helping hand. We are so busy trying to pay for everything we keep buying, that we don’t see God’s will for our lives anymore; we don’t see His plan for us. All we see is the endless cycle of buying and paying, buying and paying. Life has gotten very complicated, indeed.

Simplicity

Who in your neighborhood has the nicest car? Who in your extended family has the nicest house? Which of your friends dresses the best? You could probably answer these questions in about ten seconds. Why? Because we notice these things, which means they matter to us on some level. We rank ourselves next to our friends, family and neighbors automatically, gauging where we sit in the hierarchy of things.

Women might not notice the same things as men. Some people won’t know what kind of car someone drives or the brand of cell phone they carry, but they’ll pick out a brand name purse at a hundred paces, and spot the cut of an expensive outfit in a crowd. There is always something that we notice and wish we had, if only we could afford it, or more realistically, if there were room on our credit cards.

Our society is dominated by materialistic values. One study of the standard of living in the U.S. discovered that 46 percent of people considered below the poverty line own their own home, 73 percent of the poor own a car, and 77 percent own an air conditioner. (Wall Street Journal) Cell phones, which used to be considered a luxury for the wealthy, are now in 72 percent of Canadian households. (Shaw) “Consumption in real per-capita terms has nearly doubled since 1970. The single largest increase in expenditures for low-income households over the past 20 years was for audio and visual entertainment systems, up 119 percent. In 2007 Americans spent an estimated $1 billion to change the tune of the ringer on their cell phones. Eating in restaurants used to be something the rich did regularly and the middle class did on special occasions. The average family now spends $2,700 a year dining out.” (Moore) Things that used to be considered luxuries are now considered necessities. We simply cannot do without them.

Is it fair to expect us to go without? For example, before cell phones came in, there used to be pay phones on every corner. If you needed to reach someone, you just popped in a quarter and made your call. You could find them anywhere; in malls, street corners, subways stations, etc. Now, you are hard pressed to find them anywhere! Why? Because everyone has a cell phone. So if you don’t have a cell phone, you are pretty much out of luck when it comes to reaching someone when you are not home. In fact, it could be considered unsafe to be without a cell phone. People are afraid of each other. We don’t stop on the road to help someone who has their hood up because we are afraid of it being a ruse. Too many news stories flash through our minds about people who have been robbed and killed that way. So if something happens to our car on the highway, we pretty much need a cell phone for basic safety! What used to be a luxury has become a necessity.

But before the disappearance of phone booths, before the cell phone took over, there was the phenomenon called “keeping up with the Joneses.” This explains why many things are considered necessities. Not only do you need a cell phone, but you need the newest cell phone with the latest and greatest gizmos. Why? Because everyone has one. It’s the newest thing! Your functional cell phone just doesn’t seem enough anymore. It’s passé. It is why we need new living room furniture. It is why we need a bigger SUV. It is why we need the four bedroom house instead of the three, and why we throw that big birthday party for the kids, even though it’s going to stretch the budget far too much. It’s why we spend too much at Christmas, buying the kids piles of toys they’ll be tired of in a week because we want them to have really good answers when somebody asks “So what did you get for Christmas this year?”

Keeping up with the Joneses also means keeping in your rightful place in the hierarchy. Jim Jones might be a doctor, but you can drive a car just as nice as his! Jim takes a look at your car and thinks, “I’m a doctor, my car should be better than his!” And so begins the competition. It goes for everything… the birthday parties, the Christmas gifts, the clothes you wear, the house you buy. But no matter which neighborhood you move into, there are more Joneses to keep up with. It’s virtually impossible to do! Life begins to get complicated.

There are so many things you want, but not enough money to do it with. You have to work longer hours. You consider a second job. You take a new position that you don’t actually want because it pays a little more, and you need the cash. Things that seem so necessary, like designer jeans for your teenage daughter, a flat screen television, a bigger barbeque or renovations to the basement, start to weigh down on you. They are more of a burden than a joy, but somehow you can’t get out! You can’t just go backwards, can you? Once you are used to a certain standard of living, going without seems impossible! Besides, what would people think?

And that is the question that really aggravates you: what would people think? They’d think you weren’t really the person you said you were. They’d think you weren’t as well off as you made out to be. They’d think you’d failed. They’d think you were a fraud. Your family would think you were a fraud, and likely wouldn’t forgive you for taking away their things, or refusing them more things. Your kids would be resentful. Your spouse would be resentful. And the Joneses would talk behind their hands and eye you in delighted curiosity, wondering what it looked like when someone fell down the ladder. And so we accumulate more things. The label for this category is

materialism and nothing in our contemporary society is a greater barrier to spirituality.

Dangerous Territory

What about those who are spiritual, but who have chosen a radically different path from ours? People like Wiccans, Buddhists, and Neo-Pagans (at least in western countries) tend to believe Jesus was a good man, or even a man who had a special connection with God (or whatever creative force they subscribe to), but certainly was in no way God Himself. Is it even safe to be close friends with these people?

Perhaps a good question to ask in return is, If they have no close Christian friends, how will they learn the truth about Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection to provide abundant grace and forgiveness? Mind you, these things will have to be couched in significantly different terms than we are used to, even to begin to make sense to them. And as always, it all depends on the Spirit’s call and leading.

There are Christians who can tell you these largely gentle, insightful people have a lot to teach us. And the truth is, there’s not much point in attempting to witness to anyone you don’t feel you could learn from. Because if the sharing doesn’t go both ways, it’s not true, godly sharing.

Therefore the answer to the question of safe friendship might be No. For some Christians, especially those who are new to faith, or who are not able to listen with an open mind without letting it be “so open your brain falls out,” as the joke has it, close friendship with people whose beliefs are radically different but sometimes dangerously appealing may be a threat to their own faith. It comes back to letting the Holy Spirit lead. And that means we will be led in different directions, toward different people, and must not criticize each other. Even when we see someone join a pottery class that is largely New Agers of one sort or another. What we will do is offer strong support and prayer to that Christian who has been called to the front lines of duty.

The Christian who knows the Holy Spirit is calling her to this dangerous territory, where she may be privileged to “snatch [some] out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear,” (Jude 23) will lean heavily on the next verse, about the One who is able to keep her from stumbling. She will be certain to get all her armor (Eph. 6:10-20) firmly fastened every day. But she will also remember she’s still in community, and she needs her Christian friends as much or more than her New Age friends need her. They will be her anchor. They will not judge or accuse, but they will ask searching questions and help keep her honest and humble.

And she will remember, God’s goal is the complete salvation of every soul He can rescue. But her own goal may only be to get her friends to move one inch to the right on the continuum. It may be someone else’s job to move them the next inch, and the next, until somewhere down the line, they come to the cross and have to make a decision. When they stand at that point, looking up at the Savior dying for them, will they have memories of Christians who died daily for them, too, who loved and accepted them where they were? Will there be enough of these memories to counteract the memories they almost certainly have of Christians who dwelt on judgment and condemnation, who concentrated too hard on the blood and gore that they obscured mercy, who made it harder for a modern person to accept this story rather than dismissing it with contempt?

Hardest of all is the person who is outright hostile to God and any mention of Him. It might be helpful to remember that people aren’t born this way. If someone is angry about the whole idea of God, where is he on the spectrum? All the way to the left? Or could he be standing at the cross right now, and fighting it, because the Holy “Hound of heaven” has him in His sights? Is he reacting to ungodly “Christian” parents who beat him in the name of God? We need to realize clearly that a person who has the courage to turn away from God when given an evil picture of Him has done the right thing! This person is closer to the truth now than if he had accepted that image of a harsh, angry God and passed it on.

Are we able to love this person, prickles and all, and respect his right not to talk about religion or God or the Bible ever? Because we may be his very last chance to learn about truly unconditional love.

A preacher once said that we are all just blind lepers telling other blind lepers where the bread may be found. (2 Kings 7:3-11) If we could keep that in mind and remain humble and teachable, if we could remember to love God and love others, we will share our faith in new and more effective ways, and we, like the disciples, will be continually filled with joy. They will come—not to us, but to Jesus.

Friendship Evangelism

By the proliferation of books and studies and seminars about this subject, one would think it had just been invented, somewhere around the beginning of the digital age. But let’s look again at Pentecost, in Acts 2. The Bible says the people heard “them” speaking in their own languages. That would be everyone in the Upper Room, apparently about 120 people. See Acts 1:15. There is only one sermon recorded—Peter’s public one. But there was clearly a lot more than that going on if 3,000 people joined. To whose houses did they go and break bread? How could they have had all things in common? They may all have been united, but to each individual’s perception, they had to have felt united with few enough people to circle around, to share hugs with, to know and feel known.

The biggest Evangelistic Event we can imagine is made up of single individuals who are mostly there “with someone.” Not only that, there is a long continuum of human experience and knowledge of God. At what we might designate the extreme left end of the continuum, there is the person who doesn’t believe there is a God at all, or simply never thinks about it. At the extreme right are the people who are the most aware, moment by moment, of living and moving and having their being in God. These are usually humble souls, startled when others call them godly, or great Christians. It seems that the closer you get to that end of the spectrum, the more aware of God you are and the less aware of yourself, though, paradoxically, these people do know themselves with detailed and scrupulous honesty. (Which is probably why they’re not proud …)

Somewhere in the middle of this line is the cross of Christ, and the further to the left one goes from that line, the less and less likely it is that anyone living on that end of things will even consider attending an organized evangelism event. When it happens, it will be because of a human connection. His grandmother used to go to these and he’s curious. His boss, a very interesting person because he has the unusual ability to be angry without harming the people around him, is a member of the originating church. Or maybe a friend is playing the violin there tonight.

The overwhelming majority of the time, these events are targeted toward and appeal to the person who perhaps has a spiritual background, vaguely thinks the Bible is God’s word, or is already a committed Christian who wants to know more about prophecy or lifestyle or which day is really the Sabbath of God.

For our friends who are already not too far left of the cross, or live in its light but are curious about our ability to put together the whole Bible into a cohesive and understandable whole, all we need to do is pray, remind ourselves to follow the principles outlined in Scripture, some of which have been delineated in this unit, pray, ask forgiveness when necessary, pray, and Be Friends! Go bowling together. Garden together. Share recipes and tools and a ride to the store. Pray together if they’re interested. Show up when they’re sick or frightened or lonely. Listen.

Listen! That requires ears, not mouth. Don’t judge, keep praying, and listen.

If we are seeking a way to connect this person to an organized event we know is coming up, we can look for a connection that already exists. John loves classical music, has a season ticket to the symphony, and plays the cello, or wishes he did. Dave’s church is putting on a music festival that portrays a key Bible truth in song. Bingo! Better yet, because Dave has a lot of friends like John, he is the one who suggested it to his church board. Maybe even helped to plan it; invited John to play “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring.”

Friendship comes first. That’s the principle. We are all naturally drawn to certain people, whether those who have things in common with us, or those who are different enough that we are attracted and curious.

We like art, and so does the next-door neighbor. We invite him to attend a painting class with us. Or we take one from him.

We’re from Missouri or Saskatchewan, and the new neighbor wears a hijab. We are cautious and respectful, but we get to know and love this woman, and maybe someday we can also learn

what it means to her to be Muslim. And share what we have in common—and what we don’t.

We are two guys in the same neighborhood who both love to rebuild old cars. Under the hood together, we can learn a lot about each other’s souls.

When these friendships are strong and established, which will take time, sometimes lots of it, we start wondering what, if anything, we are to say about our faith. Should we try to deliberately turn conversations? Ask God, but don’t assume it’s true. It might not be, despite what successes the other people in Sabbath school class are having.

One likely scenario is that a day comes that one of us is in crisis. It hardly matters which one. This is a loving friendship now, and the other will offer strength and comfort. Spiritual things will come up. And we may find we learn as much as we teach, but we will also get the chance to talk about trusting a God who loves us personally.

Witnessing Styles, Public and Private

From Noah, to Jesus, to Peter, to Charles Wesley, evangelists have shared the Word in the open air, before thousands. Until nearly the 20th century, these were the largest public evangelism events because they were automatically limited to the reach of an unaided human voice.

In the 19th century, during the time the Seventh-day Adventist church was being organized, churches were perfecting the system of predetermined series of evangelistic “events.” A gifted writer wrote a series of sermons on a selected list of Bible topics or doctrines. A charismatic speaker, probably the same person, preached these sermons, perhaps aided by charts and illustrations. This system was enormously successful in a time when Chautauqua’s and open-air concerts and other such events were the only place to go other than home. They only got bigger when voice amplification systems were invented.

By the second half of the 20th century, these events were much less successful, at least in the developed western world. People had too much to do already, too many places to go. Churches looked around at the culture in which they worked, and came up with satellite-aided evangelistic series. These, too, were very successful, though possibly more so in less developed countries. As the Information Age continued, Internet and other online resources proliferated.

Of course, in a very real way, local churches are “doing evangelism” each week, and they may also create local revivals, often a week long, for their region. Or they may do seminars relating to health or family issues. If they first determine what their local neighborhood feels its needs and interests to be, they will be more successful. They may also have websites, e-newsletters, or Bible correspondence courses.

So today, there are as many large or small, organized, public methods of evangelism as imaginative people can come up with. There are also numberless ways to become involved with these. One can go from praying for them to donating money or passing out flyers, (and praying for them); from inviting friends or ushering at meetings to helping with the presentation by giving the prayer, singing or playing special music, (and praying for them); from being the speaker, presenting material from a preformatted seminar or series to going to seminary and training to become a public evangelist. And praying!

But what is it that makes these group efforts succeed? (Besides and along with prayer?) First of all, we have to define “succeed.” The seminar or conference is a very effective way to disseminate information. You can learn about the latest dentistry techniques or computer programming that way. You can learn about advertising or politics. You can learn all kinds of things about the Bible and even about God that way. You can fill out the blanks in prewritten lessons and get them all “right.” Do these events succeed at actually drawing people to God, making them want to get to know Jesus, follow Him, become like Him, spread the good news about Him? When they do, it’s because of another factor—the personal factor. Why did John and Jane Doe attend this seminar to begin with? Their friend asked them, went with them, encouraged them. Their friend was already their friend.

It’s certainly possible for a person to tune in to a television presentation or satellite series, listen all alone at home, get out her Bible to check what the speaker is saying, order the lessons if any, do them, and choose to become a Christian. It happens. The Holy Spirit works everywhere, all the time. But even this person is going to have to have friends now. She’s going to have to find a church or group to join who will help her along the way, because God created us in community and it will be a rare person who enters heaven without it, if such a thing is possible at all.

So we have a thing we’ve come to call “friendship evangelism,” a ministry that is entirely informal, unstructured and occurs when we least expect it.

A Personal Experience

I heard something so startling and mind-altering recently that I wrote it in my journal and have been contemplating it ever since. It was an injunction from a pastor to look, every day, for God in the faces of others. Christians are often reminded we are the only Bible some people read, so they should be able to see God in our faces. We are urged to allow the Spirit to use our words, our hands and feet, to help us somehow be Jesus in the world. When we witness, our first and highest desire is to show at least a glimpse, obscured though it may be, of the face of God.

I wonder what would happen if we really put this into practice? What if, instead of looking for ways to share what we have of Jesus with others, we looked for the ways we can find glimpses of Jesus in them, and then affirmed and encouraged those glimpses? First, we’d gain in unimaginable ways. Lots of people have more of Jesus in them than I do, and this attitude would remind me of that, and short circuit any tendency to think of myself as the Great Evangelist. Then, in cases where people aren’t aware of God in their lives, the ones we’d most want to share with, isn’t it possible we’d end up sharing more of Jesus than we could have imagined, and without their feeling like we had a hidden agenda?

What if we recognized, every time we had a chance to share our faith, that we have as much to learn from the other person as she has to learn from us? I wonder what would happen.

Joy: The disciples, Luke tells us in Acts 13:52, were “continually filled with joy.” When we think about all they faced, all they had to go through, that’s kind of surprising. And it’s in stark contrast to some of our attempts to share God’s love.

Jason is a worrier. His sisters are no longer attending church, and have begun to display actions in their lives that make Jason fear they do not have close relationships with God. When he is with them, he tries to find ways to bring conversations around to things he knows are important—church attendance, daily worship and devotions, healthy diet. He doesn’t want to be judgmental, so he says things like, “You know I love you, but. . .” and “I’m not trying to be pushy, it’s just that. . .” His sisters start to frown and roll their eyes. Freeze frame. If heaven took a picture of Jason’s face right this second, would there be joy? What about his sisters’ faces? What is the result of Jason’s well-intended witnessing attempt?

What would happen if Jason first cultivated God’s joy in his life, praised God in his prayers every night for his sisters’ health and generosity and liveliness? What if he then spent his time with them hunting for anything in them that reminded him of God and showed his joy in those things?

It’s still tricky. If he says, “Your flute-playing takes me straight to heaven!” his sister may think he’s trying to get in a dig, especially if he’s set up a preaching-type mindset. At first he might not be able to mention God or heaven at all. But if he affirms and encourages every sign of love he sees in them, especially when he can honestly be grateful for things they’ve done for him directly, he may find doors opening and the Holy Spirit developing more love in them. (And him.) After all, all good things come from God. All of them. God is already at work in those thousand ways Jason knows nothing of. We can ask ourselves: Would it be effective for someone to worry me into heaven? When I witness, does the joy show?

Peace: “Righteousness and peace have kissed each other.” (Psalm 85:10) Sharon knows her friend Rose knows about the Sabbath. She is sure if she can just put the arguments logically enough, convincingly enough, Rose will eventually “come to the truth.” The problem is, lately it’s  getting to the point that Rose doesn’t even like spending time with Sharon anymore. She certainly doesn’t want to come to church with her.

When the angels watch over this friendship, do they see peace? Do they see a love that clings to peace even when it’s hard, knowing that God loves Rose and Rose loves God, and conviction is the Holy Spirit’s job? What if Sharon stopped asking Rose to church and went to church with Rose instead, looking for every chance she has to agree with what she finds there, and learning to love her friend and her friend’s friends? We can ask ourselves, When I witness, does the peace show?

Patience: “Here is the patience of the saints …” (Rev. 14:12) We’ve all heard the stories of the wife who patiently, silently, over years, even decades, prays for her husband. Loves him, is a companion to him, interests herself in his interests, and talks to her friends about what a good man he is. We’ve also heard the stories where the wife is judge, jury, and executioner, sure that her husband is under the frown of heaven and losing no chance to tell him so. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, both of these husbands die without visibly giving their hearts to God, so far as human watchers know. Just at a guess, which one has the better chance of surprising us by meeting his wife in the air on the way to King Jesus? When we witness, does the patience show?

Kindness: “In your godliness, [supply] brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 1:7, 8) Brother Aaron is one of the pillars of his church. He is the Keeper of the Lists. That is to say, Brother Aaron knows who has done what, when, and where for the past twenty years. He keeps track of who really pays “a full tithe,” and who watches what on television. He is also able (and willing) to list to his neighbors and relatives just which parts of God’s law they are breaking and what they should do about it. Brother Aaron is fond of mentioning 1 John 1:9, the first part, about making confession of sin, and something about “weeping between the porch and the altar.” No one knows quite what he means by this, and furthermore, no one has any intention of asking. If the conference gets a letter, detailing its own shortcomings or those of its constituents, it may have come from Brother Aaron. If you asked, Brother Aaron would say he is a faithful witness for the Lord. When we witness, does the kindness show?

Goodness: “For the fruit of the light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth.” (Eph. 5:9) The family who were burned out of their home were closely related to a preacher. They had been talked to, preached to and taught until they no longer heard a word he said. They let it be known in no uncertain terms that they were not interested in church, God, or anything to do with either.

Then the fire came. A local church mobilized to find them places to stay, help them deal with insurance hassles, replace clothes and necessities, and clean up the mess. There were ears to listen to their story, over and over again, shoulders to cry on, arms to hold those who had lost irreplaceable things like childhood mementoes and family photos. That was the church they joined. When we witness, does God’s goodness show through?

Faithfulness: “He who promised is faithful.” (Heb. 10:23) “All your sons will be taught of the Lord, and the well-being of your sons will be great.” (Isa. 54:13) Henry and Louise tried to raise their kids right. They had worship with them, took them to church, taught them principles of health. They can imagine no greater heartache than to watch their children turn away from God. There are no easy answers to this. God gave us free will, and He will never force anyone to  accept Him. But we know one thing—nagging will not save our children. And reminding is nagging. Yes. Reminding. Just once. That’s nagging.

God has given us promises like the one above. He loves our children. He knows what’s really in the bottom of their hearts, where we can never see. Let’s practice faith—not just in God, but in our kids, and everyone else to whom we witness. Can we find things that remind us of God in them and alarm those? When we witness, does our faith show, both in God and in the intelligence and discernment of the person to whom we’re speaking?

Gentleness: “Be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.” (Titus 3:2) Maria is one of the strongest Bible students in her church. She has been studying the Bible since childhood, and knows the Scriptures backward and forward. If someone has a question about where a particular thing is found, they ask Maria. She can “rightly divide the word of truth” and is a favorite teacher and Sabbath school superintendent. And Maria loves God with all her heart, and would dearly love for every person on the planet to come to the realization that God loves them.

So Maria had a hard time the evening she went with the pastor to study with a family who were trying to figure out a difficult Bible truth. The husband kept bringing up one text after another and trying to use them in a way they had never been intended to be used. The wife was an able assistant in trying to bolster clear error with the misuse of these texts! Why, then, was the pastor so quiet? Why did he just smile and look interested, as if he were waiting for them to teach him? As if he agreed, almost! “Really?” he would say meekly, and read the text with interest.

“Well, that’s not exactly what I’m looking for,” the husband would mutter, flipping the pages of the Bible. The Holy Spirit was busy, and Maria managed to take her cue from her pastor and stay quiet, too. By the end of the evening, the family had taught themselves the truth, to their own amazement. But it was Maria who felt she’d learned the most. When we witness are we gentle, peaceable, teachable? Or do we already know it all?

Self-Control: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3) “Preach the gospel at all times. When necessary, use words,” said Francis of Assisi. Sometimes, like Maria, we need to realize that the most important thing we can say is nothing at all. Love may show best when it’s not obscured with words. There is no way for this presentation or any presentation, or even the Bible itself to teach us when to speak and when to be silent. Only the Holy Spirit knows the heart of the one we are trying to reach, and if we are not in daily, hourly, momentary contact with that Spirit, we’d better be silent indeed! There is no such thing as sharing of faith by one who cannot listen to the guidance of God.

We will mess up, of course, and speak when we shouldn’t have, and not speak when we should have. We will have to ask the forgiveness of God and of the other person. Believe it or not, those moments of vulnerability and human frailty can sometimes be just the moments the other person may be waiting to hear. When they see us fall and fail they learn whether we really do believe that Jesus died for our sins, that forgiveness and abundant grace are truly available for us, and for them. If we try to hide our frailties out of some mistaken idea that we will weaken their fledgling faith, then what they learn is that we are not authentic people after all. Because, make no mistake, they do know we’re faulty. Our masks aren’t that good! And if we can’t own up to our stumbles and humbly ask forgiveness, then why should they listen to anything we say, especially about a God we claim has infinite love and forgiveness?