Why Choose to Forgive (04-27-16 Part III)

Paul and Barbara Sanders, in their book Choosing Forgiveness, suggest several reasons why forgiveness is so important to healthy living. (see blog 04-25-16 part I for first reason, blog 04-26-16 part II for second reason)

3. Forgiveness releases the wrongdoer’s power over you. If you and I are living a life of anger, resentment, and unforgiveness from our hurts, we’re still being controlled by the person who hurt us. Revenge, anger, bitterness, and hatred bind us like glue to the person. We might as well be Siamese twins, joined at the heart. Because everywhere we go, we’re taking them with us.

But when we choose to release that person from debt, when we no longer demand payment from them, when we forgive, we engage in one of the most empowering acts possible. We choose our freedom.

Jesus described this reality this way: “If someone forces you to go with him one mile, go with him two miles.” (Matthew 5:41)

Jesus is referring to the hated practice by Roman soldiers of demanding that a Jew carry his load for him. Imagine feeling the helplessness and powerlessness of being forced to do something against your will. If you’ve ever been raped or sexually abused or physically or emotionally been taunted and tormented by someone stronger or having more power and authority than you, you understand this feeling.

So when Jesus tells them to go the second mile, the Jews shake their heads in anger. “Forget it! We’re not going one extra inch for them!’

But think about the dynamics here. Paul and Barbara Sanders make this point in their book: in the first mile, the soldier has you under his control. You’re trapped. If you stop there, you walk away in anger and bitterness. You lose!

But when you choose to go the second mile, you’re under your own control. In the first mile he has you. In the second optional mile, you have him. Your act of power, responsibility and choice sends you away in freedom.

That’s what choosing to forgive your debtor does to you. Lewis Smedes comments: “Only a free person can choose to live with an uneven score. Only free people can choose to start over with someone who has hurt them. Only a free person can live with accounts unsettled. Only a free person can heal the memory of hurt and hate.”